If you ever want to find me I can still be found taking The Long Way Around...

As I lay here on this gorgeous spring day, staring at the sky and watching the clouds pass by, I can’t help but giggle, smile, sing out loud, and occasionally squirm about while randomly throwing my hands in the air, something some may call dancing. I tend to lose myself in moments like this, which over the years I’ve learned is great for my mind and soul. Blocking out the rest of the world, headphones in, journal next to my side and taking in all the natural beauty this world has to offer. With my occasional solo dance party and off tune Alanis sing-a-long, I can already tell this day is going to be more than fantastic.

“I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, I recommend walking around naked in your living room”

For the most part, I’ve always had a different outlook on life, soaking in any negative energy and producing it into something positive. Keywords: most and part. There was a period in time where I lost myself, completely. It was a downward spiral. Starting with the death of my only parent, my mother, in May 2005. Subconsciously, I yearned for someone to fill the void. A year later, settling in a relationship for four years that took me further away from myself than I think I ever have or will be again. Weighing in at an all time high of 180lbs, I was full on insecurities, booze and fast food. 

June 7th, 2010, the last day of my glorious Austin vacation. Before I left I think good ole Austin gave me a nice kick in the ass, clearly in the right direction. June 8th, I broke up with my boyfriend and the very next day jumped out of an airplane promising myself to leave behind anyone or thing that brought any sort of negative energy into my life. To say the least, I have yet to look back.

From that moment on, I became selfish, not in a bad way, but it was time to focus on myself, what I wanted to do, whenever the hell I wanted to do it. I was skydiving into all parts of the my new life. Bars by myself, concerts by myself, dancing in the rain by myself, I did not care. By the end of the summer, I sold all my belongings, bought a new car and moved to Miami, alone. 

Miami? Why? I was curious about the city I was born in and why my parents spent so much time there. Culture shock? Yes. Best decision of my life? One of them. Now let’s be serious, when most people think of Miami, they think Ultra, South Beach, partying, cocaine, etc. Is that what I went for? Definitely not. I went to try and find answers about myself and my past. I spent several days/nights a week volunteering. Reading bed time stories to homeless children, helping teenagers that didn’t have anyone, wrapped over 1,000 toys for kids in low-income schools so we could dress up and deliver them the day school let out for Christmas break. Tears? I cried every time I volunteered, which if you know me, you know tears don’t come easy. Rewarding? More than I can ever begin to put into words. It broke me down, made me think, helped me overcome my childhood. I’ve been in their position, I made it, and I wanted them to be inspired to do the same.

I’ve seen, I’ve done and I’ve damn sure explored. I could go on and continue to list things I’ve done over the years but it’s time to get to the point.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “Are you ever going to settle down?”, “I’ve followed your adventures, so jealous, wish I could do that.”, “How do you think you’re ever going to get married with your lifestyle?” etc.

I’ve spent the past few years of my life putting myself in situations that may not always be comfortable but have helped me grow as a person. All of these situations have forced me to be feel secure in my own skin. Anyone can do it, and I deeply encourage it, it’s just taking that initial step, or in my case, dive. As ironic as it may sound, getting lost will indeed help you find yourself. It's funny, nowadays being uncomfortable is actually what really makes me feel comfortable. I've spent a many of days and nights, meditating, writing, digging into bottled up emotions, letting go of things I can never change, transforming my life, attitude, mind, spirit and heart into the woman I am today. It wasn't easy, but then again, life isn't always easy. 

Had I not dove straight into this adventure, I sure as hell wouldn’t be anywhere close to knowing who it is I really am. I’d be some girl indulging in food to try and cover up her insecurities and probably end up dating some guy who walked all over her and dug her into an even deeper hole.  Living this outrageous lifestyle has helped me develop myself into someone I love. Now that I love who I am, I know can wholeheartedly give myself to someone else without losing ME in the process. Up until now, I could never allow someone to fall in love with me because I wasn't in love with myself. I now know my value and what I deserve, and I damn sure will not settle. I know what it's like to have nothing, to lose someone, to lose myself, to be alone, to be frightened. I've seen death, brutality, hatred, grief, sorrow and you know what? I'm not scared. I'm not scared to fall in love. I’m not scared to get my heart broken. I’m not scared to sing in public. I'm not scared to dance in the grocery store. I’m not scared to be alone. When I fail, I’m not scared to try again. I am me and I'm more than okay with that. I’m a glass full kinda lady. I’m a woman of many talents, but because I have chosen to be. All I see now is love, compassion, hope, intimacy, life, glee, prosperity and so much more. Everything I have done over the last three years was not only done for me, but for my grandmother, my family, my friends, it was done for my future, for my husband, my children, my career, my happiness.

So to answer the question of many, yes, I am finally ready to settle down, but in no way does that mean I’ll ever settle. I have goals, I have dreams, aspirations, along with a bright future ahead of me. Yes, I’ll find a man, but I’m not going to settle for one just because I’m getting older, if I don’t see a future I consider it a waste of time. Not sure who said it, but one of my favorite quotes of all time is, "Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them." While I'm being honest here, I'll go ahead and say that to this day, there's only one man out there that I know could stop me right in my tracks. Taking everything that I know now, it's clear to me why things have never progressed in the past. Timing is everything, and clearly it never would have worked. How could I have ever truly loved anyone up until now? And you ask, will I wait around forever for him to make a move? For something to progress? Will I close my eyes to the thought of love with someone else? Definitely not. I mean I do agree what's meant to be will one day find it's way, but I can also tell you there is nothing in this life worth attaining that doesn't require effort.

Now while I may have taken "The Long Way Around" to get to where I am today, I can tell you this much... life is too short, so love deeper, live more, laugh louder, inspire hope, be adventurous, believe in yourself, dance in your underwear, dream freely, master something, count your blessings and whatever you do, never settle for less than what you deserve.